"Some people think of the glass as half full. Some people think of the glass as half empty. I think of the glass as too big."

- George Carlin.

However, the optimist and pessimist will both agree that my glass is always 1/3 Full and 2/3 Empty.

I work day by day, minute by minute, second by second. Everything I've thought-of, discovered, how great, or how heart-breaking, has added up to just this much.

Maybe I'm missing something within, something I'm still searching for in my life. I wonder about it so much; why I've done so little. Little in terms of relationships, the fun things in life.

Everyone seems to have enjoyed it; but me, I've never been the selfish type. Every-morning, probably since when I was toddler and ever since I had my own room, I've always been alone. Just me, I've never woken up with the one I loved in my arms, in the early mornings, whereas I believe all the people I know, cherish now and before, all-have, at one point or a at least a few-points had someone to share it with.

In contrast I've always watched the sun-rise alone. 

I guess it is after all a powerful motif that underlies who I am and what I'm about no doubt. Although, I feel strong empty feelings, feelings that are so sensitive especially when my trust has been abused. I forgive and forget, but I will always fear. How does that work? I don't know? Label me crazy? That'll shut him up? Really?! No.

If you Love someone you are honest. Honest how you feel, if you've made mistakes, and the almighty as my witness: I've made many. Alternatively, we can be ignorant about my self-doubts, legitimate doubts that has emptied a glass. A glass that used to be completely full; or am I an utter fool?!

People make mistakes, we all do, but I think when one feels insecure and needs options, well, it's all good for them, but they truly never thought about you in the first place. Otherwise, it'd never make you feel how you feel right now, or ever. 

J:.H:.

Sydney, Australia

"Isles of blest Japan,

Should your Yamato spirit Strangers seek to scan,

Say--scenting morn's sunlit air,

Blows the cherry wild and fair!"

- Nitobe's Bushido: Soul of Japan, 

 The First Cherry Blossoms have arrived in my driveway for the year! 

  This is a great time of respect, thought and fastidious change. It is where I must prepare myself; so that I allow space to grow within and not fear the cold nor the warmth; but to endear and embrace what I have been given, and appreciate and learn from what I possibly may inevitably lose. However, there will always be another chance, as there will always be another blossom period. 

J:.H:.

Sydney, Australia

(Sorry for the poor quality photo's. It was dark, however, we had good seats near the front rows bottom level; the ones behind us paid more than $500 for a seat.) 

  It was magnificent. John Legend is an extremely talented human being beyond any measure.

Just when you think ok, he can't top this song...over and over you are amazed once again. This was no rnb/hip-hop artist. This was a SOUL artist. His was music speaking directly from the heart. I felt I needed this, a break from everything, all the hustle and bustle of my life; my continuous thinking going into overload. 

Simply put, I felt I had new meaning in life; and positive outlook with relationships, and the struggle that goes with it and life itself.

Everyone want's to be "in Love" but they either miscalculate or over-calculate the requirements that make them "happy". I was one of these people.

I have certain 'interests' to follow now; and as I said, I'm going to take it "slow". 

"as above so below"

J:.H:.

Sydney, Australia

  My little sister got herself a brand new 2011 Audi A4. God it's so nice to look at and drive!

I'm so happy for her!! I wouldn't mind an R8 V10 Spyder right now. Although my next car is going to most likely be the new 2012 GTR (if I was to win the lotto) or if not something a bit more exotic. But I'm always going to keep Sakura, I already have my dream car! 

However, given the state of the world I don't think any of this is important any longer. 

New homes, new cars, new businesses, but no new women (thank god). There is something greater I must do; I know I've always felt this way, but it's starting to become clearer and clearer--as I've been writing about in my notes and yet to post. Even I am lost at times about 'it'; even recently, but it's starting to come clearer--the state of the world, everything that I've done in my life, how I see it in my eyes.

It's something positive and it's been taking so much work for so long now, but I really hope I can achieve it in the end for this will be the greatest thing money, words and anything can ever buy.

It will define who I am.

  2010 finally nearing an end, so much that I have done, so much more to do--this all for me and you. Bear in mind 'you' at this stage is undefined.

NB I apologize for the rather horrid handwriting, I wrote it whilst out at sea; although however I've typed it out at the bottom :)

Like a strong headwind thy hugged thine again that one last time,

A final embrace upon the fine white mast as thou were mine,

As thy sail'd across this vast, dark and empty sea;

Thou shall never forget thy belief and trust thou plac'd in thee.

J:.H:.

Central Coast, Sydney, Australia